Amanda - Entry #3

The wolves were circling closer, closer, snapping with teeth stained nearly black by blood. The girl was trapped between them, but she was not afraid, was not shaking or crying or moving at all. She stared down at them imperiously, as if she was daring them to try something, daring them to attack. She wore her defiance as a warrior would wear a shield. It was not enough, though. The animals took her up on her dare, circling closer still until one of the beasts sprang up, charging open-mouthed at her throat.

There was a scream, then everything went black.

I woke up the same way everyone does from dreams of falling, when your eyes pop open just before you hit the ground and every muscle in your body twitches. There was dirty cement beneath me, an odor of oil and unwashed air around me, and a sound of air rushing through tunnels. I opened my eyes to see the masterpiece that is the New York City subway system.

Well, I saw the platform I had dozed off on, at least. I sat up slowly, squinting even in the dim light underground. I wondered how many trains I had missed while I had been asleep. I needed to catch the 6 train down to Canal Street where my boyfriend had promised to meet me and take me out for dinner. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and unlocked it. 5:30 pm. I wasn’t going to get any shopping done, but I could at least get to the little restaurant on Mott Street on time.

I stretched stiffly, waking up my feet and flexing my cold fingers. I reached for the empty coffee cup I had been holding until I could find a trash can. It clattered with coins when I moved it. Great. They think I’m homeless. I wasn’t going to give up free money, though, so I poured the assortment of quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies out into my pocket and tossed the cup.

I reached under my shirt to check my valuables. Credit card, cash, and metro card were all still safely stashed where not even the most intrepid thief would dare to reach for them. I put them back where they belonged, not even catching a second glance from the people passing by. It was still New York City at that point, and everyone was deaf, dumb, and blind as ever.

I finished adjusting my clothing just as the train pulled up to the platform. I joined the mad rush to the doors, throwing elbows with the best of them. I managed to find a spot in the middle of the compartment and clutched the metal bar nearby until my knuckles were white. I’d always hated standing up on the subway. I don’t know what I thought would happen to me, especially on such a packed train. Even if I lost my balance, there wasn’t room enough for me to fall.

Seven stops later, I was on the edges of Chinatown. The stop was near the end of the line, so I didn’t have to shove too many people out of the way to get to the door. I hopped out onto the platform and took the stairs to the surface two at a time. If the nightmare hadn’t woken me up enough, the cold air did wonders. New York City in winter time was not exactly vacation weather.

Robert, the aforementioned boyfriend, was waiting for me at the exit. He smiled his you’re-late-but-I’m-a-good-person-so-I’m-being-civil smile at me. “I was beginning to worry about you. Did the line break down or something?” he asked innocently, kissing me on the forehead and squeezing my hand.

I blew out a breath, trying not to roll my eyes at him. “I fell asleep.”

“Right on the platform?”

“Yes, right on the platform. I was tired.”

“Eira, how do you let these things happen to you?” His voice was both disappointed and condescending. He sounded like my mother, which made me angrier than it should have.

“You think I got up this morning thinking ‘Oh, I think I’ll piss off Robert today by falling asleep in a metro station?’ Yeah, that’s what I spend all of my time doing.” The whole day had left me in no condition to take shit from anyone.

He ruffled my hair in some misguided attempt to make things okay. “Just forget it, E. What am I gonna do with you?”

I took a deep breath, trying to relax. Robert was a teacher, and he couldn’t help treating everyone, including me, like one of his kindergarteners. “Sorry, Rob. Bad day today is all.”

An arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. “S’okay, E. We all have those. Come have something to eat.”

I folded into his side and let him lead me into the restaurant.

It was over a plate of dim sum that he asked me. What kind of man does that to a girl over her favorite dish? It’s rude to taint someone’s favorite food with memories, good or bad. One minute, I was innocently slurping the liquid out of a soup dumpling, and the next, Robert was staring at me intently through the steam, asking, “Eira, what are you going to do with your life?”

I stared at him in shock, wondering if it was a rhetorical question, wondering if he was playing a joke. His face didn’t change, though. He kept studying me, seriously waiting for an honest answer. “What the hell kind of question is that?”

“An important one. Listen, E,” he started, trying to take my hand. I snatched it away, putting as much distance between the two of us as I could. “Listen, please. I just…I worry about you. You fell asleep on a bench in a subway station today, for crying out loud! What if someone had snatched you away? What if they’d stolen your money? What if you’d slept straight through it all?”

“Robert, I’m a big girl, a-”

“Are you?” he asked, cutting me off. “I just don’t know where your head is these days.”

“It’s worried about working and paying for school and keeping up with school even with the extra shifts I had to pick up. It’s worrying about my brother being at war overseas. I can’t deal with this right now, Robert.” I picked apart a bundle of carrots with my chopsticks.

“Can’t deal with what, Eira? Your boyfriend asking you a legitimate question? Any thought at all of the future?”

“This, Robert. I can’t deal with this.” I was getting quieter as I got angrier, building the rage inside of me, storing it for later.

Robert had never been one for storing any sort of emotion. Maybe it was a side-effect from spending so much time around kindergarteners. Whatever it was, he wore his heart very prominently on his sleeve. He slammed his fist down on the table, face going redder than I had ever seen it. “Dammit, Eira, grow up!”

I never was one for long speeches when simple words would do. I stood up quietly, folding my napkin over my plate and tucking my chair under the table. “Goodbye, Robert.”

I made it to the phone booth on the corner before I broke down. I threw myself onto the cold metal seat and started sobbing. It was those huge, wracking cries that you always think are over-dramatic and only in stories until you’ve experienced them yourself.

I had finally begun to calm down when the phone rang. I wiped my eyes with the end of my scarf before picking up the phone. “Hullo?”

“Hello, Eira. How are you feeling.”

“Terrible, why do you ask? Who are you?”

“Me? I’m no one. Just a friend. I ask simply out of personal curiosity. And I’m sorry everything is a bit of a mess at the moment, but if it makes you feel any better,” the caller took a breath before continuing, “He’s going to be dead soon. They all will.”